While I was pregnant, I always said that I would "like to" breastfeed. I had been breastfed, and I knew there were many benefits to doing it. But I knew it wasn't always possible, and therefore I didn't want to get my hopes up. I just tried to stay optimistic that it would work.
In getting ready for the babies, I made sure that I had a breastfeeding pillow for twins so that I could feed them at the same time. I also talked with a lot of other mothers about trials and tribulations of breastfeeding. When the babies arrived, I thought I was as ready as I could be. Thankfully, it worked and the babies started nursing within hours of their birth.
What I didn't anticipate is the absolutely amazing feeling of feeding my babies. Not only was I proud that my body was making food for these babies, but the time we got together while feeding them was time no one could take away from us.
I've also been taking a class at Isis Parenting where I've met several other breastfeeding mothers. We've enjoyed trading stories and tips about our breastfeeding experiences.
Sure I had carried them for seven months, but feeding them -- hearing their sounds, watching them smile, and having a release of oxytocin each time -- was, and continues to be, a wonderful feeling.
I will admit there are times when I don't pack bottles for the sole purpose that I want to be able to hold and bond with my babies every few hours. This is especially true when they are at a get together and being passed from person to person. Yes, it's selfish. I don't apologize for it.
I know there will be a day when they don't need me for food anymore, and I'm already grieving that day, but for now, I'm enjoying it fully.